#memorablemomentsineducation #14:
Our department coordinator is scrambling right now to find a qualified, long-term substitute for a colleague who’s going on maternity leave very soon. The stress of trying to find a person who’s willing to take on the planning, grading, and caring of a full-time teacher at substitute-teacher pay got me thinking about my own leaves.
I hate to be absent from school. In my first job we stressed the need to attend–that showing up was the root of success (and its inverse probably the cause of many of their past problems)–so much that I swore never to be absent from school. If I was encouraging my students to show up, then I had to show up too.
When I was pregnant with my oldest, I had racked up more than 100 sick days, and I had no intention of taking more than the bare minimum. Of course, my son had other plans and in the middle of students’ final exams, I figured out I had to leave for the hospital. Over the next 36 hours, I had emergency surgery, was told I’d be hospitalized for the next 18 weeks of my pregnancy, was released from the hospital, and finally ordered to bed rest. In the few days before Christmas, I remember lying in bed, making phone calls to various teachers I’d never met to find some wonderful soul who could take on my students when they came back in January. I hated the thought of not being there to teach poetry, to work on the sophomore research papers, to read The Grapes of Wrath! Looking back on it, I’m sure I was supposed to take all this as a sign I needed to slow down, to prepare for the fact our entire world was about to change.
I was on bed rest for almost 3 months! I was bored out of my mind. I conferenced with students about their papers over the phone and via email. I insisted on grading all their writing. Sometimes my students complained to me about their substitute (and, secretly, I appreciated knowing they missed me), and I tried even harder to make it okay I was gone.
I would like to believe that all my efforts and energy paid off for those kids. I’d like to convince myself that being there for my students really did matter, or that they did notice. But the reality is, they probably didn’t, nor should they. We make sacrifice after sacrifice for our students, and sometimes, it’s okay to give ourselves permission to ease up, not to try so damn hard. In the moment, it seems like life or death, but in the grand scheme, kids are resilient and they’re gonna be just fine, with or without you